Seriousness vs Fun

There's a part of me that thinks I need to be serious all the time. He thinks fun isn't allowed

Thank you for sharing about this part of you that believes seriousness is necessary and fun isn't allowed. Could you check in with yourself and see where in your body you're sensing this part?

I feel pressure in my head and face when he's activated

I see. Now, how do you feel toward this part of you that creates pressure in your head and face and believes in the necessity of seriousness?

There's a part of me that wished he'd go away so we can have fun

It sounds like there's another part of you that's feeling frustrated or resentful towards the serious part because it wants to have fun. Could you try asking this frustrated part if it would be willing to step aside or relax just for now, so you can get to know the serious part from an open place?

Yeah ok he's willing to step aside

Great. Now that the frustrated part has stepped aside, how do you feel towards the serious part that creates pressure in your head and face?

Curious about him

That's a good place to be. Let's explore this part more. Could you ask the serious part what its role is?

He says his role is making sure that we're taken seriously. And that we don't mess up. He says the stakes are too high to be playing around

Thank you for sharing that. Next, could you ask this part what it hopes to accomplish by ensuring you're taken seriously and preventing any missteps?

He thinks this will prevent us from making mistakes

Understood. Now, can you ask this part what it is afraid would happen if it didn't perform this role of ensuring seriousness and preventing mistakes?

We'd lose. We'd be unsuccessful. And we'd be ridiculed and unaccepted

That sounds like a significant concern for this part. Can you see now why this protector does what it does, focusing so much on seriousness to avoid failure, ridicule, and lack of acceptance?

Yeah. I can see he's trying really hard to protect me. I can feel how tired he is.

It's insightful of you to recognize the effort and exhaustion of this part. Now, could you tell this part how much you appreciate its hard work and efforts on your behalf? This can help in developing a trusting relationship with it.

He's relieved. I share some tears with him. He never wanted to be this guy who makes everything so serious, avoids fun, and makes it hard to connect playfully with others. He's felt so much pressure on him to be successful and right.

It's powerful that you're able to connect with this part on such a deep level, acknowledging his efforts and understanding his challenges. Now that he feels your appreciation and understands that you see his struggle, could you ask him if he's willing to show you the exile he's protecting or protecting you from? And if he's willing, ask for his permission to get to know this exile.

Yes. There's actually a few exiles he was protecting. What he doesn't know is that these are parts that I've already unburdened. So I'm going to reintroduce him to them now.

That's a significant step. Reintroducing this protector to the exiles you've already unburdened can help him see the changes and progress made. It may also help him understand that his protective role can evolve now that these exiles have been cared for. After you've reintroduced him to these exiles, check to see how he's responding and whether he realizes that his protective role might no longer be necessary in the same way.

I see these parts bringing him in for a group hug as he cries tears of sadness and relief. He never thought it possible that these parts could be doing so well.

This moment sounds deeply healing and transformative for the serious part. Witnessing the well-being of the exiles he was protecting and experiencing their acceptance and love can be a profound realization for him. As he experiences this, see if he now realizes that his protective role can change or if he's open to taking on a new role in your psyche. How is he responding to this new understanding?

He and I needed a moment to let some tears out. I can see him smiling now. He just wants to play with his new friends.

That's a beautiful transformation. This part has shifted from being the serious protector to someone who wants to engage playfully. It's a testament to the healing journey you've both embarked on. Is there anything else you'd like to address or explore in this session?

No thank you so much. Could you please summarize the session for me?

Absolutely, I'm glad to help. In this session:

1. Identified the Serious Protector: You shared about a part that believed in the necessity of seriousness and felt pressure in your head and face.

2. Unblended from a Frustrated Part: Another part of you, frustrated with the serious part, stepped aside to allow you to work with the serious part.

3. Explored the Serious Protector's Role: You discovered that this part's role was to ensure you're taken seriously and avoid mistakes, driven by a fear of failure, ridicule, and lack of acceptance.

4. Acknowledged and Appreciated the Protector: You recognized the hard work and exhaustion of this part, showing appreciation for its efforts, which led to a moment of emotional connection and relief for the part.

5. Reintroduced to Unburdened Exiles: You reintroduced the serious protector to exiles that had already been unburdened, allowing the protector to see their well-being and progress.

6. Transformation of the Serious Protector: The protector experienced a profound shift, moving from a place of seriousness and pressure to wanting to engage playfully with the exiles, now friends.

7. Emotional Healing and Closure: The session concluded with a moment of shared tears and a sense of healing, as the protector found a new role and a sense of playfulness.

It was a session filled with deep insights, emotional connection, and significant transformation. If you have any more questions or need further assistance in the future, feel free to reach out.